My Marriage Rights

We recently moved to the beautiful state of Colorado. My wife has taken a job as a wedding coordinator for a local guest ranch.  We also are newlyweds, only married for a little over four months now.  The reflections of countless hours of wedding thought and labor are still pleasantly fresh in our nostalgic minds.  It seems like weddings have been the theme of our lives for a twelve month span, with a few trickling pre-thoughts for a year or two prior. 

                I was a seminary student some time ago in my past.  It feels like recent history but it is quickly becoming something more like prehistory.  At the time, most of my colleagues in school were entering into career ministry in a Christian affiliation that was engaging in a very dramatic and profound regular debate.  The debate was centered on homosexuality and professional ministry.   Alongside this debate were little spin-off debates regarding whether or not professional pastors in this affiliation should officiate the marriages of gays as well as straights.  In fact, many in that particular career environment were unsure whether gays should be allowed to participate in the activities of their church congregations in any form or fashion.  I always found this debate to be overwhelmingly simplistic on the surface and greatly ignorant of the complexities of the deep, much like seeing a good pie with a beautiful pie crust and knowing nothing of the mushy mixture within, and then judging the pie merely on the beauty of the crust regardless of the disgusting ingredients that might form its’ flavor. 

                I offer an example to minimize the confusion in my own conjectures.  Church conferences spend hours in debate deciding their policies on gay marriage, when the statistical divorce rates among their non gay church members are equal to those outside of the church.  For both church and non-church Americans divorce rates reflect a more casual acceptance of divorce than in past generations, as well as a questionable disregard for Biblical notions of marriage.  The greatest tragedy is not in the divorce, in my opinion, but in the public vocalization of vows that become a mere recitation and have no sacred element of real Truth.  Divorce is tragic, yes.  But the real tragedy is in the heart of the Christian who stands before God and church and makes, what used to be considered, sacred promises to a spouse which are sadly disregarded when conflict arises.  Another example to consider:  Pastors espouse strict opinions and policies regarding gay acceptance in their churches, when research studies have revealed that an alarming number of these same pastors participate in internet pornography and other forms of extra-marital sexual behavior.  Similarly, I know of some who would not perform the wedding ceremony of a gay couple, but who will unquestionably marry two people when one member of the engagement is already engaged in the addictive tendencies of pornography.  In their theological presuppositions, one is able to be fully covered by God’s grace. The prior might be covered by God’s grace, but it probably shouldn’t be covered within the walls of the church, so good luck with that issue and let us know if we can help. 

                I recently heard on the radio that, in the state of Colorado, gay couples cannot marry but they may come to Colorado and receive a homosexual divorce.  Strange.  Is that a gay right?

But state after state is gradually moving towards the legal acceptance of gay marriage.  I imagine that in our cultures’ future the past reflection on our nations’ historical discrimination of gay marriage will be seen as the hideous hatred of primitive oafs, much like our current simplistic arrogant reflections on slavery, Native-American conflicts, and the Holocaust.  It just seems to be a wave that nobody is willing to dam at this point.  The non-Christian culture pushes the wave forward, and the Christian culture is so scared to offend these days that it won’t stop apologizing to the world long enough to offer any serious profound wisdom on the issue, wisdom it could easily have if it simply read its’ own Bible.  Make no mistake friends, whether you are in favor or opposition, legal gay marriage is the future of America.  I remember when the first state passed legalized gay marriage.  At the time I was an active tweeter on Twitter.   I tweeted on that day, “Congratulations America, now gays can get divorced just like the rest of us.”  I imagine my statement was offensive to some. I should say that I hope it was.  However, the public tweet was not intended as a statement on homosexual marriage in the direction of pro or anti.  Rather, my online prodding was meant to convey disgust at our cultures’ casual and non-sacred view of marriage from all participants, regardless of what those participants prefer to have sex with. 

                I must admit just a hint of my political leanings at this point.  I find it entertaining that so many of us beg under the table of government to have a few legal crumbs thrown our way.  I wonder why anybody gives a flip about having the most incompetent and corrupt social institution, government, bless their so-called romantic relationships with the amazingly sacred label of “legal”.  I rarely participate in blatant sarcasm, but that last statement was rich with it.  If I really love someone, and wish to pledge my unconditional love to that person for a lifetime before the eyes of God, why do I care about the legality of that relationship by the government?  We break legality on a daily basis speeding to work every day with less passion than that.  I would be better served to participate in public protests for the government to “bless” my going to work at 80mph rather than 65 mph.  That is a law that would actually help me.  As far as my romantic life goes…dear Government, please stay the hell away from it.  I imagine your ideas of marriage are as sound as your ideas on finances.

                All this being said, among the cultural fashion trend debate called Marriage Rights, I wish to make a few statements of my own.  You see, I am not interested in those crumbs of legality.  If I thought of my marriage as merely something granted to me by a politician so I could receive certain tax breaks, then I imagine I would see divorce as similarly advantageous as soon as the financial spectrum changed.  Food for thought dear friends.  So rather than fighting tooth and nail for some cheap allowances, I would like to share with you some rights that I claim for my marriage, regardless of the sweet heart-warming benefits of that beautiful thing called a License. 

I have the right to love Only One person with all of my heart for the rest of my life.

I have the right to offer my life for the happiness of that person as a partner, even at the cost of losing it if necessary.

I have the right to forsake the lustful pursuits of boyhood and embrace the honorable pursuits of manhood regardless of the notions of lesser men.

I have the right to sacrifice all other lustful desires in order to honor my wife, a privilege that challenges me to be better on a daily basis.  

I have the right to give trust and intimacy to my wife only, and to serve her sexually and emotionally.

I have the right to enjoy sex freely with my wife, with the only potential consequence being the unexpected start of a loving family. 

I have the right to snub my nose, disregard, and confidently walk away from the empty promises of a sexually frivolous life. (Ignorant therapists, counselors, and so-called experts, you can keep your paychecks and your books, I’ll take a day of happy marriage over your overpaid justifications any day.)

I have the right to honor God by embracing the challenge of Love on a daily basis, renewing my vows and my marriage promises in action at every given opportunity.

I have the right of a Son to seek my Father God to equip me with the strength, love, kindness, and nurture that are not natural to me so that I may love my wife supernaturally.  (Again, for those experts who claim that extra-marital sexual pursuit is “natural”, I hope that you one day find the superior benefits of the supernatural in your life as well.)

                I could go on and on about the beautiful rights that I possess as a husband.  They are rights that challenge me to be better. They are rights that forgive and comfort when I fall short of the standard that they elevate me toward.  They are rights that stimulate my hearts’ desire for a romantic adventure, a story-book heroism, and an eternal legacy.  I cannot speak for you.  But I need these challenges to not become bored with life, and god-forbid with marriage.  Many of us expect marriage to be hard.  I want to be the kind of person that hopes that it is hard.  Because the difficulty of love raises me up to love greater today than I did the day before.   I hope that I can claim these rights and love today better than yesterday. 

                For the rest of you, good luck to you in your noble pursuit of that legal license.