My Marriage Rights

We recently moved to the beautiful state of Colorado. My wife has taken a job as a wedding coordinator for a local guest ranch.  We also are newlyweds, only married for a little over four months now.  The reflections of countless hours of wedding thought and labor are still pleasantly fresh in our nostalgic minds.  It seems like weddings have been the theme of our lives for a twelve month span, with a few trickling pre-thoughts for a year or two prior. 

                I was a seminary student some time ago in my past.  It feels like recent history but it is quickly becoming something more like prehistory.  At the time, most of my colleagues in school were entering into career ministry in a Christian affiliation that was engaging in a very dramatic and profound regular debate.  The debate was centered on homosexuality and professional ministry.   Alongside this debate were little spin-off debates regarding whether or not professional pastors in this affiliation should officiate the marriages of gays as well as straights.  In fact, many in that particular career environment were unsure whether gays should be allowed to participate in the activities of their church congregations in any form or fashion.  I always found this debate to be overwhelmingly simplistic on the surface and greatly ignorant of the complexities of the deep, much like seeing a good pie with a beautiful pie crust and knowing nothing of the mushy mixture within, and then judging the pie merely on the beauty of the crust regardless of the disgusting ingredients that might form its’ flavor. 

                I offer an example to minimize the confusion in my own conjectures.  Church conferences spend hours in debate deciding their policies on gay marriage, when the statistical divorce rates among their non gay church members are equal to those outside of the church.  For both church and non-church Americans divorce rates reflect a more casual acceptance of divorce than in past generations, as well as a questionable disregard for Biblical notions of marriage.  The greatest tragedy is not in the divorce, in my opinion, but in the public vocalization of vows that become a mere recitation and have no sacred element of real Truth.  Divorce is tragic, yes.  But the real tragedy is in the heart of the Christian who stands before God and church and makes, what used to be considered, sacred promises to a spouse which are sadly disregarded when conflict arises.  Another example to consider:  Pastors espouse strict opinions and policies regarding gay acceptance in their churches, when research studies have revealed that an alarming number of these same pastors participate in internet pornography and other forms of extra-marital sexual behavior.  Similarly, I know of some who would not perform the wedding ceremony of a gay couple, but who will unquestionably marry two people when one member of the engagement is already engaged in the addictive tendencies of pornography.  In their theological presuppositions, one is able to be fully covered by God’s grace. The prior might be covered by God’s grace, but it probably shouldn’t be covered within the walls of the church, so good luck with that issue and let us know if we can help. 

                I recently heard on the radio that, in the state of Colorado, gay couples cannot marry but they may come to Colorado and receive a homosexual divorce.  Strange.  Is that a gay right?

But state after state is gradually moving towards the legal acceptance of gay marriage.  I imagine that in our cultures’ future the past reflection on our nations’ historical discrimination of gay marriage will be seen as the hideous hatred of primitive oafs, much like our current simplistic arrogant reflections on slavery, Native-American conflicts, and the Holocaust.  It just seems to be a wave that nobody is willing to dam at this point.  The non-Christian culture pushes the wave forward, and the Christian culture is so scared to offend these days that it won’t stop apologizing to the world long enough to offer any serious profound wisdom on the issue, wisdom it could easily have if it simply read its’ own Bible.  Make no mistake friends, whether you are in favor or opposition, legal gay marriage is the future of America.  I remember when the first state passed legalized gay marriage.  At the time I was an active tweeter on Twitter.   I tweeted on that day, “Congratulations America, now gays can get divorced just like the rest of us.”  I imagine my statement was offensive to some. I should say that I hope it was.  However, the public tweet was not intended as a statement on homosexual marriage in the direction of pro or anti.  Rather, my online prodding was meant to convey disgust at our cultures’ casual and non-sacred view of marriage from all participants, regardless of what those participants prefer to have sex with. 

                I must admit just a hint of my political leanings at this point.  I find it entertaining that so many of us beg under the table of government to have a few legal crumbs thrown our way.  I wonder why anybody gives a flip about having the most incompetent and corrupt social institution, government, bless their so-called romantic relationships with the amazingly sacred label of “legal”.  I rarely participate in blatant sarcasm, but that last statement was rich with it.  If I really love someone, and wish to pledge my unconditional love to that person for a lifetime before the eyes of God, why do I care about the legality of that relationship by the government?  We break legality on a daily basis speeding to work every day with less passion than that.  I would be better served to participate in public protests for the government to “bless” my going to work at 80mph rather than 65 mph.  That is a law that would actually help me.  As far as my romantic life goes…dear Government, please stay the hell away from it.  I imagine your ideas of marriage are as sound as your ideas on finances.

                All this being said, among the cultural fashion trend debate called Marriage Rights, I wish to make a few statements of my own.  You see, I am not interested in those crumbs of legality.  If I thought of my marriage as merely something granted to me by a politician so I could receive certain tax breaks, then I imagine I would see divorce as similarly advantageous as soon as the financial spectrum changed.  Food for thought dear friends.  So rather than fighting tooth and nail for some cheap allowances, I would like to share with you some rights that I claim for my marriage, regardless of the sweet heart-warming benefits of that beautiful thing called a License. 

I have the right to love Only One person with all of my heart for the rest of my life.

I have the right to offer my life for the happiness of that person as a partner, even at the cost of losing it if necessary.

I have the right to forsake the lustful pursuits of boyhood and embrace the honorable pursuits of manhood regardless of the notions of lesser men.

I have the right to sacrifice all other lustful desires in order to honor my wife, a privilege that challenges me to be better on a daily basis.  

I have the right to give trust and intimacy to my wife only, and to serve her sexually and emotionally.

I have the right to enjoy sex freely with my wife, with the only potential consequence being the unexpected start of a loving family. 

I have the right to snub my nose, disregard, and confidently walk away from the empty promises of a sexually frivolous life. (Ignorant therapists, counselors, and so-called experts, you can keep your paychecks and your books, I’ll take a day of happy marriage over your overpaid justifications any day.)

I have the right to honor God by embracing the challenge of Love on a daily basis, renewing my vows and my marriage promises in action at every given opportunity.

I have the right of a Son to seek my Father God to equip me with the strength, love, kindness, and nurture that are not natural to me so that I may love my wife supernaturally.  (Again, for those experts who claim that extra-marital sexual pursuit is “natural”, I hope that you one day find the superior benefits of the supernatural in your life as well.)

                I could go on and on about the beautiful rights that I possess as a husband.  They are rights that challenge me to be better. They are rights that forgive and comfort when I fall short of the standard that they elevate me toward.  They are rights that stimulate my hearts’ desire for a romantic adventure, a story-book heroism, and an eternal legacy.  I cannot speak for you.  But I need these challenges to not become bored with life, and god-forbid with marriage.  Many of us expect marriage to be hard.  I want to be the kind of person that hopes that it is hard.  Because the difficulty of love raises me up to love greater today than I did the day before.   I hope that I can claim these rights and love today better than yesterday. 

                For the rest of you, good luck to you in your noble pursuit of that legal license. 

               

               

               

The Christmas Story of 2012

Christmas season is a little bittersweet in my line of work.  It begins with a hurricane called Black Friday and ends with a tsunami on Christmas Eve.  The world of retail sales is not a friendly one in the holiday season.  But, in the midst of it all, I managed to have a beautiful Christmas.  I must say that I am a very blessed man.  I spent some time with the Remy Family, and they were gracious enough to feed me a tasty meal.  Emily always has a way of making every occasion memorable and special as well.  I believe that her and I formed some more wonderful memories this Christmas. 

It started with preparation.  My apartment is small, but so is our Christmas tree so it was a good pairing.  But with a few strands of Christmas lights and a little tree, we managed to make this tiny apartment a lovely little Christmas winter wonderland.

 

Our first celebration was on Christmas Eve.  After work I drove down to Richmond and we enjoyed some good snacks.  Then the Remy gift extravaganza began. Selfishly, I got Emily some hats. She looks beautiful in them but doesn't own any.  She suffers from a funny-hat-wearing fiance' problem so I figured it was time for her to become a hat-wearer herself.  Tell me that she doesn't look great in a hat!

 

I don't mean to get too focused on gifts.  We Christians all know that Jesus was the ultimate Christmas gift.  But Jesus doesn't look as good on me as the cool new coat that I got from Emily's parents.  Here are some of my favorites:

Not only did I get the new half-bend sand-blasted viking pipe that I wanted, but Emily sweetened the deal with a sweet little corn-cob pipe as a stocking stuffer as well. Emily got lots of neat sleepwear.

I can't say enough about the other gift offering from Emily.  She found me an old World War II typewriter at the flea market.  Apparently it was quite worn and grimy.  But she gave it a good clean-up, and even painted the casing.  It is an old Smith-Corona portable typewriter that was used by traveling war journalists. Hence, its' size is very convenient.  It types like a dream, every key and hammer working.  I'm not sure what direction it will inspire me, but it is honestly one of my favorite gifts I have ever received.

 We celebrated our Christmas morning free by taking Caspian out to the dog park, and I got to test drive my new pipe.

As Christmas 2012 winds down, I do want to thank my Heavenly Father for the amazing gift of a beautiful family. Although I did not get to see them this year, I trust that they also were blessed.  We all have so much in wealth of possessions, but mostly in love.   I know we all had to find our own way of making Christmas special this year, as we were all separated by circumstances.  But I trust that we will soon have Christmases together again.  Emily and I cannot wait to see all of you at the wedding in March. We love all of you! Merry Christmas and God bless!

And here is our favorite picture from Christmas.  See if you can figure out why. We didn't notice until after the shot was taken :) Let's just say that in Texas I might've made a prize for some hunter.

 

 

Being Like Jesus Part 2: Calling vs. Pursuit, The Quest for Perfection

Thoughts on Matthew 19:16-30:

How often has this poor fella been psycho-analyzed by our preachers?  So many offering fresh, new insights into his motives and feelings. I have some more of my own. But, in this familiar story, I want to focus more on the words of Jesus rather than those of the chap that our nicely edited Bibles usually refer to as The Rich Young Ruler. After all, despite the focus of most of our Biblical interpreters today, Matthew is telling us the story of Jesus, not the story of his audience.

Read the story first, otherwise this blog may be overwhelmingly enigmatic to you.  It's pretty short, shorter than this blog actually.  As a matter of fact, you may do better to just read the story in Matthew and come up with your own thoughts than read this blog.  But since you started and probably like to finish what you started, I'll go get some of the fresh french-pressed coffee that I have affectionately made this morning, and return to discuss with you shortly.

There is nothing like French Roast coffee made in a french press.

Now let us discuss.  First, the man in this story asks Jesus for eternal life.  What preacher in today's evangelical tradition wouldn't jump at the chance here to sit this guy down and go through the salvation prayer, or perhaps walk him down the "Romans Road"?  (If you're not familiar with the Romans Road then visit one of America's evangelical churches and ask. There should be about fifty in your town alone. I imagine you have noticed the profound impact they have made.)  But listen to what Jesus said in response to this guy.  He tells him, "Keep the commandments and you will have life."  Woah! Jesus must not have been taking his seminary classes very seriously.   If he had been paying attention in class I'm sure he would have noted that, in our good Christian theology, eternal life comes from a prayer that you pray, and the commandments are really options that you can deal with down the road in a program that we call "discipleship".  Now, if you happen to be one of my more Biblical scholarly readers, then you may already be preparing your counter-argument to my sarcastic implications by thinking that Jesus was working a mind-game on this guy.  Or, perhaps Jesus wanted to make the point that it is impossible to keep the commandments, thus, raising up a sense of despair in this young man so that he would never make the tragic error of pursuing a "works salvation" again.  Keep your cool, young arguer.  There is more to my point.  As their conversation continues, Jesus lists some of the commandments to the young man. Then, now pay attention here, the young man says that he has kept these commandments from his youth.  Jesus does not correct him.  So, my question for you:  If Jesus was making a point about the commandments being impossible to uphold, why does he not correct this man when told that these commandments have been kept?  I wager that this young man had indeed kept the commandments very faithfully.  Otherwise, why would Jesus' next challenge begin with, "...one thing you still lack"?  One thing!  If this young man was lying about his faithfulness to the commandments, wouldn't Jesus have called him on it instead of mentioning only one thing?  Perhaps he couldn't count?

I believe part of the solution to the mystery of this text comes in the young man's second question.  After being told about the commandments, the man asks a second question, "What do I still lack?"  Now, I don't know about you, but if Jesus had pretty much given me the qualifiers for eternal life, and I could feel confident that I had met those qualifiers, I don't know if I would keep pushing the issue with him.  I get the green light for heaven, I'm going to shuffle on in.  If my car has passed inspection, I'm not going to ask the guy writing up the license to check under the hood one more time because there is something he may have missed.  You know what I mean?  But this guy does. He seems to insist that Jesus find something that he can do, or improve, in order to earn eternal life.

Jesus obliges him.  He tells the man, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me."  (ESV)

There is some very important things to notice here, again, about Jesus' response. The power of this story is in Jesus' response, not the young man's response.  Let's focus on this phrase, "If you would be perfect...".  Jesus doesn't say, "Okay, if you really want eternal life you persistent idiot...".  He changes the language from eternal life to perfection.  Why?  According to all of the qualifiers, this man had earned eternal life because he was a good man.  But he kept badgering Jesus, pushing the issue.  He wanted more, more to perform, more to earn.  Surely Jesus must be able to give him some task that he can accomplish.  So, the man wanted righteousness to the extreme.  He wanted perfection. So, Jesus challenges him on perfection.  "You want perfection, here is what you must do..."  And so he gives him a task of three: 1.) Sell your possessions.  2.) Give to the poor.  3.) Come, follow me.  Still no prayer of surrender required here. Jesus never tells him to invite him into his heart.  Instead, Jesus asks for action. Action.  Action.  Could it be that surrender is action?

I really do try to keep my blogs at a reasonable length.  It is really difficult for me.  If you know me personally, I write like I talk. And I can just keep going and going about this stuff.  But, for the sake of time, I'm going to cordially summarize and skip ahead a little bit.

The man walks away sad because he had a lot of possessions.

Jesus tells his disciples that it is very difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Nay, impossible.

The disciples are concerned then that nobody can be saved.

Jesus tells them that it is possible because of God. 

Peter seems concerned, and reminds Jesus that they (the disciples) have left everything to follow him.  This is a reminder to Jesus that they (the disciples) have done what Jesus asked the rich man to do. 

Jesus assures Peter and the disciples that they will have both treasure and prestige in heaven because of their sacrifice. 

Alright, slow the tape down now. Discussion time again.  Jesus assures the disciples that they have accomplished something that the rich young man was unable to accomplish.  They left everything.  The rich young man received the same invite. He didn't take it.  The disciples had received the invite. They took it.  Your Bible is probably like mine, and there is a page break at this point beginning a new section. Mine is labeled Laborers in the Vineyard.   I want you to pretend that page break is not there.  Read the story straight through. Jesus tells this next parable to explain the lesson he has just given them regarding sacrifice and reward. 

Read the parable now.  I need more coffee.

Now you are a scholar like me.  You know the basics: A vineyard owner goes out and hires workers at several times in the day, some earlier than others, all for the agreement of a denarius for wage.  At the end he pays them.  The men hired early in the day gripe because they felt they should be paid more since they worked longer.  Jesus sends these workers away and challenges them on their perception.  He still pays them, but sends them off with a little lesson that he is the one in charge, and not them.  This is where the full story of the Rich Young Ruler truly ends. 

What is the connection? The rich young ruler approaches Jesus.  The disciples were called by Jesus.  The rich young ruler has accomplished righteous keeping of the commandments.  We don't really know if the disciples were righteous or not.  The rich young ruler was finally invited to join the disciples after he pressed the issue.  The disciples were invited to join without pressing the issue. They were mostly just fishing.  The rich young ruler walked away sad, unwilling to follow Jesus. The disciples had left everything to follow Jesus, and they were promised great reward for their sacrifice.

Now, in the parable, there is not a single worker that approached the vineyard owner seeking work. In fact, the story uses the world "idle" twice and the word "standing" once to describe the men he recruits.  In other words, they were not being very ambitious about their quest for employment.  They were standing around wasting their day.  Only the first recruits are not described this way.  However, all are paid equally.

Now, I am going to ask you a question.  And I really am just asking a question here.  It makes me as uncomfortable as it will make you. Where in scripture does it go well for any person who approaches either Jesus or the disciples seeking salvation?  Where?  Nicodemus?  Anyone in the book of Acts?  The guy who was reminded by Jesus that you don't get a hotel room when you travel with him?  The guy who wants to bury his father first? 

Now, how does it go for the ones who were sought out by Jesus?  The disciples?  Tax collectors? Adulteresses?

There is a contrast here.  Many people were healed by Jesus. But, we have no reason to believe that they asked for eternal life.  Jesus healed them. In healing them, he forgave them.  They got healing, and they received forgiveness as a bonus prize.  Why?  Perhaps because they needed something.  They deeply longed for something.  They weren't after eternal life. They were after a working hand, or a seeing eyeball.  They wanted to make right the wrong they had caused.  In the case of the disciples, they wanted an opportunity to learn from an amazing teacher.  They wanted to travel with him and experience his life with him. 

That rich young man passionately wanted to earn something from Jesus more than most any character we read about in the gospels. He walked away sad.  Others got to experience the full journey of Jesus' ministry, and all they were doing was fishing.  Others wanted healing for a shriveled hand and received forgiveness and healing because of their faith. 

We sell eternal life in churches today as though it were a commodity.  Jesus was smarter than us. He sent those who wanted to purchase eternal life away empty handed. They weren't ready.  Try to get Jesus to affirm you, you may wind up sad.  Want to wind up in the thick of it all?  Go fishing.  Go to your job.  Provide for your family.  Live life, and live it well. Jesus may just show up and invite you into something bigger.  I have seen our ministers today offer eternal life on tragically simple grounds, to people who neither kept commandments nor had any desire to follow Jesus. But they said a prayer.  And then I have seen so many people who believed themselves Christians because they had prayed the prayer.  They were told by someone that they had become a disciple.  And yet they had nothing; no heart, no hope, no difference, and they left it and went back to living their lives in despair and empty pursuit.  Jesus told us this would happen.  Cheap gospel results in worthless Christians.  Don't believe we have a cheap gospel today?  Look at the worthlessness of our Christians.  Are they to blame because they didn't take their prayer seriously? Are we to blame because we promised them eternal life with so little cost?  I wager that Jesus was right when claiming the gate is narrow that leads to eternal life, and that many who claim to know Jesus will be surprised at how little they knew him when they meet him face to face. 

Jesus seems to like the kinds of crops that are ready to be plucked.  In story after story he reminds us that the path ahead  bottlenecks as we move forward.  More and more drop away and fade away.  I wager that there are more people who want to offer greater sacrifice if only our churches were bold enough to ask it of them.  Instead we write books and strategize how to make it easier for them.  "But Brent, don't you know that Jesus paid the sacrifice and the way really is made easy for them?"  Then why did Paul, our beloved hero, ask us to offer our soul and body as a living sacrifice back for him?  Read Paul's writings. It wasn't just a prayer. It was also leaving behind a lot of the old life behind, leaving the old and putting on the new. 

Yes, there is more to it than this.  Leaving behind the old and putting on the new, I truly believe requires the power of the Holy Spirit, a commodity that our evangelical churches do not sell at all.  As a matter of fact we do not even offer it most of the time.  Eternal life only requires a prayer.  But when it comes to the Holy Spirit, we leave that to you.  We hope that someday you find it yourself.  I don't know why the same pastors who lead us in the salvation prayers don't also pray with us to receive the Holy Spirit.  I imagine most of them don't have it to give.  You cannot give what you do not have.  This is why my number one passion in America's churches today would be for us to stop- just stop, and ask the Holy Spirit to return to us. Believing and receiving the Holy Spirit are NOT the same event. Don't believe me, read the book of Acts.  We are an empty church, and this is why we are dying.