We recently moved to the beautiful state of Colorado. My
wife has taken a job as a wedding coordinator for a local guest ranch. We also are newlyweds, only married for a
little over four months now. The
reflections of countless hours of wedding thought and labor are still
pleasantly fresh in our nostalgic minds.
It seems like weddings have been the theme of our lives for a twelve
month span, with a few trickling pre-thoughts for a year or two prior.
I was a
seminary student some time ago in my past.
It feels like recent history but it is quickly becoming something more
like prehistory. At the time, most of my
colleagues in school were entering into career ministry in a Christian
affiliation that was engaging in a very dramatic and profound regular debate. The debate was centered on homosexuality and
professional ministry. Alongside this
debate were little spin-off debates regarding whether or not professional
pastors in this affiliation should officiate the marriages of gays as well as
straights. In fact, many in that
particular career environment were unsure whether gays should be allowed to
participate in the activities of their church congregations in any form or
fashion. I always found this debate to
be overwhelmingly simplistic on the surface and greatly ignorant of the
complexities of the deep, much like seeing a good pie with a beautiful pie
crust and knowing nothing of the mushy mixture within, and then judging the pie
merely on the beauty of the crust regardless of the disgusting ingredients that
might form its’ flavor.
I offer
an example to minimize the confusion in my own conjectures. Church conferences spend hours in debate
deciding their policies on gay marriage, when the statistical divorce rates
among their non gay church members are equal to those outside of the
church. For both church and non-church
Americans divorce rates reflect a more casual acceptance of divorce than in
past generations, as well as a questionable disregard for Biblical notions of
marriage. The greatest tragedy is not in
the divorce, in my opinion, but in the public vocalization of vows that become
a mere recitation and have no sacred element of real Truth. Divorce is tragic, yes. But the real tragedy is in the heart of the
Christian who stands before God and church and makes, what used to be
considered, sacred promises to a spouse which are sadly disregarded when
conflict arises. Another example to
consider: Pastors espouse strict
opinions and policies regarding gay acceptance in their churches, when research
studies have revealed that an alarming number of these same pastors participate
in internet pornography and other forms of extra-marital sexual behavior. Similarly, I know of some who would not
perform the wedding ceremony of a gay couple, but who will unquestionably marry
two people when one member of the engagement is already engaged in the
addictive tendencies of pornography. In
their theological presuppositions, one is able to be fully covered by God’s
grace. The prior might be covered by God’s grace, but it probably shouldn’t be
covered within the walls of the church, so good luck with that issue and let us
know if we can help.
I
recently heard on the radio that, in the state of Colorado, gay couples cannot
marry but they may come to Colorado and receive a homosexual divorce. Strange.
Is that a gay right?
But state after state is gradually
moving towards the legal acceptance of gay marriage. I imagine that in our cultures’ future the
past reflection on our nations’ historical discrimination of gay marriage will
be seen as the hideous hatred of primitive oafs, much like our current
simplistic arrogant reflections on slavery, Native-American conflicts, and the
Holocaust. It just seems to be a wave
that nobody is willing to dam at this point.
The non-Christian culture pushes the wave forward, and the Christian
culture is so scared to offend these days that it won’t stop apologizing to the
world long enough to offer any serious profound wisdom on the issue, wisdom it
could easily have if it simply read its’ own Bible. Make no mistake friends, whether you are in
favor or opposition, legal gay marriage is the future of America. I remember when the first state passed
legalized gay marriage. At the time I
was an active tweeter on Twitter. I
tweeted on that day, “Congratulations America, now gays can get divorced just
like the rest of us.” I imagine my
statement was offensive to some. I should say that I hope it was. However, the public tweet was not intended as
a statement on homosexual marriage in the direction of pro or anti. Rather, my online prodding was meant to
convey disgust at our cultures’ casual and non-sacred view of marriage from all
participants, regardless of what those participants prefer to have sex
with.
I must
admit just a hint of my political leanings at this point. I find it entertaining that so many of us beg
under the table of government to have a few legal crumbs thrown our way. I wonder why anybody gives a flip about
having the most incompetent and corrupt social institution, government, bless
their so-called romantic relationships with the amazingly sacred label of
“legal”. I rarely participate in blatant
sarcasm, but that last statement was rich with it. If I really love someone, and wish to pledge
my unconditional love to that person for a lifetime before the eyes of God, why
do I care about the legality of that relationship by the government? We break legality on a daily basis speeding
to work every day with less passion than that.
I would be better served to participate in public protests for the
government to “bless” my going to work at 80mph rather than 65 mph. That is a law that would actually help
me. As far as my romantic life goes…dear
Government, please stay the hell away from it. I imagine your ideas of marriage are as sound
as your ideas on finances.
All
this being said, among the cultural fashion trend debate called Marriage
Rights, I wish to make a few statements of my own. You see, I am not interested in those crumbs
of legality. If I thought of my marriage
as merely something granted to me by a politician so I could receive certain
tax breaks, then I imagine I would see divorce as similarly advantageous as
soon as the financial spectrum changed.
Food for thought dear friends. So
rather than fighting tooth and nail for some cheap allowances, I would like to
share with you some rights that I claim for my marriage, regardless of the
sweet heart-warming benefits of that beautiful thing called a License.
I have the right to love Only
One person with all of my heart for the rest of my life.
I have the right to offer my life for the happiness of that
person as a partner, even at the cost of losing it if necessary.
I have the right to forsake the lustful pursuits of boyhood
and embrace the honorable pursuits of manhood regardless of the notions of
lesser men.
I have the right to sacrifice all other lustful desires in
order to honor my wife, a privilege that challenges me to be better on a daily
basis.
I have the right to give trust and intimacy to my wife only,
and to serve her sexually and emotionally.
I have the right to enjoy sex freely with my wife, with the
only potential consequence being the unexpected start of a loving family.
I have the right to snub my nose, disregard, and confidently
walk away from the empty promises of a sexually frivolous life. (Ignorant therapists, counselors, and
so-called experts, you can keep your paychecks and your books, I’ll take a day
of happy marriage over your overpaid justifications any day.)
I have the right to honor God by embracing the challenge of
Love on a daily basis, renewing my vows and my marriage promises in action at
every given opportunity.
I have the right of a Son to seek my Father God to equip me
with the strength, love, kindness, and nurture that are not natural to me so
that I may love my wife supernaturally.
(Again, for those experts who
claim that extra-marital sexual pursuit is “natural”, I hope that you one day
find the superior benefits of the supernatural in your life as well.)
I could
go on and on about the beautiful rights that I possess as a husband. They are rights that challenge me to be
better. They are rights that forgive and comfort when I fall short of the
standard that they elevate me toward.
They are rights that stimulate my hearts’ desire for a romantic
adventure, a story-book heroism, and an eternal legacy. I cannot speak for you. But I need these challenges to not become
bored with life, and god-forbid with marriage.
Many of us expect marriage to be hard.
I want to be the kind of person that hopes that it is hard. Because the difficulty of love raises me up
to love greater today than I did the day before. I hope that I can claim these rights and
love today better than yesterday.
For the
rest of you, good luck to you in your noble pursuit of that legal license.
